Experiential avoidance in sport is incredibly common. It happens when athletes try to escape, avoid, suppress, or control uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, or pressure. And while avoidance can feel helpful in the short term, it can quietly get in the way of confidence, growth, and performance.
Avoidance is human, but not always helpful.
We all avoid things, all the time.
We take Panadol to avoid the pain of a headache. We decline the party invitation to avoid the anxiety of not knowing what to expect. We scroll on our phone to avoid starting the hard task. We stay busy to avoid sitting with sadness. We put off the difficult conversation because we do not want to feel uncomfortable. We pull back from training, competition, or performance situations because we do not want to feel exposed.
Avoidance is not always dramatic. Often, it is subtle. Sometimes, it even looks sensible.
And in the short term, avoidance works.
That is why we do it.
Avoidance can give us relief. It can lower the pressure. It can help us feel calmer, safer, more in control, or less overwhelmed. For a moment, we get to step away from the thing that is making us anxious, embarrassed, uncertain, ashamed, disappointed, or afraid.
The problem is not that avoidance feels good in the short term.
The problem is what avoidance can cost us over time.
What Is Experiential Avoidance?
Experiential avoidance is when we try to escape, suppress, control, or get rid of uncomfortable internal experiences.
These internal experiences might include anxiety, fear, self doubt, shame, sadness, frustration, physical discomfort, intrusive thoughts, or memories of past failure.
In sport and performance psychology, experiential avoidance is incredibly common.
An athlete might avoid a hard training session because they do not want to feel slow, unfit, or behind.
A student might avoid studying because they do not want to face how much they do not know.
A performer might avoid auditioning because they cannot tolerate the possibility of rejection.
A business owner might avoid putting themselves out there because visibility feels too vulnerable.
A coach might avoid a difficult conversation because they do not want to upset someone.
A parent might avoid setting a boundary because they do not want to deal with the emotional fallout.
Avoidance can look like pulling out, shutting down, making excuses, overtraining, undertraining, perfectionism, procrastination, people pleasing, numbing, overthinking, or pretending not to care.
This is one of the reasons avoidance can be hard to spot. It does not always look like running away. Sometimes it looks like being busy. Sometimes it looks like being organised. Sometimes it looks like having a good excuse.
Experiential Avoidance in Sport and Performance
When I was a teenager, I was a rower. I remember being at Lake Barrington, sitting in my single scull near the bank at the starting line. I was overwhelmed by the pressure of racing.
I did not want to be there, but I also did not know how to say that.
I did not know how to name what I was feeling. I did not have the language for performance anxiety, fear of failure, or the horrible sense of being exposed in front of other people.
So I created a way out.
I took a bolt out of my boat so that there would be a fault with my single scull.
On the surface, the problem became mechanical. Something was wrong with the boat. I had a reason not to race.
Underneath, I was avoiding the pressure.
And honestly, in that moment, it probably worked. I would have felt relief. I would have felt like I had escaped. I would have avoided the intense discomfort of sitting on that start line, waiting to find out whether I was good enough.
But the cost was that I also avoided the opportunity to learn something.
I avoided finding out that I could feel anxious and still race. I avoided discovering that pressure was survivable. I avoided building trust in myself. I avoided the chance to practise courage.
That is the hidden cost of experiential avoidance in sport and performance.
It protects us from discomfort, but it can also protect us from growth.
Does Avoidance Help or Hinder Performance?
The honest answer is both.
Avoidance helps in the short term. It reduces discomfort. It gives us an immediate sense of relief. It helps us escape the thing that feels too hard, too uncertain, or too exposing.
But in the long term, avoidance often makes performance anxiety stronger.
When we avoid, our brain learns that the situation was dangerous and that escape was necessary. This can make the same situation feel even more threatening next time.
The more we avoid pressure, the less confident we feel in our ability to handle pressure.
The more we avoid uncertainty, the less tolerant we become of uncertainty.
The more we avoid discomfort, the more powerful discomfort becomes.
This is especially important in sport, performing arts, leadership, business, study, and other high pressure environments. If we only act when we feel calm, confident, and ready, we may wait a very long time.
Performance does not usually ask us to feel perfect first.
It asks us to show up while feeling imperfect.
The Cost of Avoidance
Avoidance has a cost.
It can cost us confidence.
It can cost us opportunities.
It can cost us relationships.
It can cost us progress.
It can cost us self respect.
It can cost us the chance to learn that we are more capable than we think.
In sport, avoidance can quietly shrink an athlete’s world. They may avoid certain competitions, certain opponents, certain coaches, certain training groups, or certain performance moments. Over time, their confidence can become dependent on everything feeling safe and controlled.
But performance is rarely safe and controlled.
There are unknowns. There are setbacks. There are bad days. There are nerves. There are people watching. There is comparison. There is pressure. There is the possibility of failure.
This does not mean we should force ourselves, or our athletes, into every uncomfortable situation without thought or care. Sometimes stepping back is the right decision. Rest, recovery, boundaries, and safety matter.
But we need to be honest about the difference between stepping back because it is wise, and stepping back because discomfort has taken charge.
What Are You Avoiding?
A useful question is not simply, “How do I stop feeling anxious?”
A better question might be:
What am I avoiding?
How does this avoidance help me in the short term?
What is it costing me?
What do I care about that avoidance is pulling me away from?
These are not always easy questions to answer. Avoidance often has a function. It is trying to help. It is trying to protect us from pain, fear, shame, uncertainty, embarrassment, or disappointment.
But it may also be protecting us from the very experiences that build confidence.
Confidence does not come from avoiding pressure.
Confidence grows when we start to recognise that we have experience, competence, and evidence behind us.
But experience and competence do not appear out of nowhere. They are built by doing the things that feel uncomfortable, uncertain, exposing, or scary. Every time we face something difficult and stay with it, we collect evidence that we can cope. We learn that nerves are not a sign we are incapable. We learn that fear can come with us, rather than stop us.
Confidence comes from learning that you can meet pressure and survive it.
It comes from doing the hard thing while your heart is racing. It comes from turning up when your mind is telling you to disappear. It comes from staying connected to what matters, even when part of you wants to bolt.
A Different Way to Work With Performance Anxiety
The goal is not to eliminate fear.
The goal is to change our relationship with fear.
The goal is not to remove all pressure.
The goal is to learn how to carry pressure differently.
The goal is not to guarantee success.
The goal is to keep showing up for the things that matter, even when success is uncertain.
This is where psychological flexibility becomes important. Psychological flexibility means being able to notice difficult thoughts and feelings without automatically obeying them. It means being able to make choices based on values, not just based on fear.
For athletes, this might mean racing even when anxiety is present.
For students, it might mean starting the assignment even when self doubt is loud.
For performers, it might mean auditioning even when rejection is possible.
For coaches, it might mean having the difficult conversation, respectfully and directly.
For anyone trying to grow, it might mean feeling the resistance and doing what matters anyway.
Where Are You Taking the Bolt Out of the Boat?
I often think back to that young version of myself sitting at Lake Barrington. I do not judge her harshly. She was scared. She did not have the skills, language, or support to understand what was happening inside her.
But I also feel sad for her, because she thought the only way out was to create a fault in the boat.
So much of performance psychology is about helping people find a different way.
Not a way to eliminate fear.
A way to carry it.
Not a way to avoid pressure.
A way to relate to it differently.
Not a way to guarantee success.
A way to keep showing up for the things that matter, even when success is uncertain.
So it may be worth asking yourself:
Where am I taking the bolt out of the boat?
Where am I creating reasons not to start?
Where am I choosing short term relief over long term growth?
And what might become possible if I stopped treating discomfort as a stop sign?
Avoidance is human, but not always helpful.
And often, the most important performance shift is not learning how to feel calm.
It is learning how to feel the resistance and do what matters anyway.